Tonight, I’m going to take a few days off from sharing here on FB. I am allowing myself to experience the grief in my heart even as I thank God and trust Him more.
I need time to converse with God, write out my thoughts to Him, and simply listen to Him as I go through the day.
So, your prayers, please. May I understand all of this in a way that I can share with others the comfort He gives to me.
Paul writes about this:
All praise to the God and Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort- we get a full measure of that, too.
Last night, Lanae gave me some papers about grief. As I read them, I recognized some things about me.
1 – Some people in grief unconsciously keep themselves busy so they won’t have time to think. I realize I fit this pattern.
2 – Grief affects the whole person: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It can cause exhaustion, difficulty to think well, depression and the consciousness of being alone. I fit here, also.
3 – There is also grief and tensions as roles in the family change because someone in the family is gone. This is also in process.
4 – My first Christmas without Joe. Our lives together began just before Christmas, 1990. We went out for dinner and talked until the restaurant closed. We decided we wanted a friendship, nothing more.
We got married in May 1991.
I think it is time for me to be quiet, face the realities of allowing tears, and talking it out with God
I know I am not alone. I have God, my family, and friends. I want to learn more, teach and write… and I now have dual citizenship here on earth plus in the Kingdom of God.
My life is richly blessed by God as He turns heartaches and tears into a quietness of spirit, joy, and peace.
It took ten months for me to get here, where it is time for me to accept with my heart and soul that my ornery and beloved husband is where he longed to be.
That transition required a gravestone in Portland, Oregon, and it requires acceptance on my part.