Well,my love. It’s been nineteen long months since you went home.
I’ve missed you more than I could ever have imagined, and at so many unexpected moments. Even now, as I write this, it’s a little difficult to see because of the tears.
It’s crazy. So many little things have changed.
I don’t have a home with you any more. Instead, I have bedrooms: two in the US, one in Natal, Brazil, and one I look forward to in heaven.
I still have difficulty when I roll over on my right side in bed: you aren’t there any more to cuddle me… and there are those times I’ve felt your presence in the room. A few times I’ve been awakened by you calling my name. Things I don’t understand – and give them to God.
I am only now beginning to settle down in my mind what are my priorities and goals. It’s not been simple like you and I thought it would be. Too many changes we had not anticipated. Maybe, now, I will move into a more quiet and trusting relationship with our Lord.
You always said you had to go home first. You did not want to walk with the pain of being left behind…but, in reality, we were both hoping the Lord would come before either one went home. You were right about going home first. I’m thankful you aren’t going through this time of grief and learning. What makes it feasible for me to handle it is knowing that you are TRULY happy, for the first time in your life. A joy and happiness no one can rob from you.
I look forward to the day when I’ll be home also. Until then, my love, I’ll keep walking with one hand on my cane, the other hand in our God’s hand, looking towards home.
I Love you. Your Voni