I Didn’t Expect This…

I want to go to bed, but first, write something to you all. I am learning that as I put my thoughts and emotions down on paper it helps me clarify things for myself.

Tonight, my emotions about my daughter, Lanae, and her future husband have surprised me.
They are in their 60’s and have recently discovered the wonder of love between them. They are both surprised by their happiness. Knowing some of the past heartaches in each individual life, I believe that those very heartaches have taught them the meaning of the word “happiness”, so they can experience it in new depths.
I rejoice – and pray for them, for God’s protection over them as they form an enlarged family circle.

But, I am working through some unexpected emotions on my part! This is a surprise to me. Completely unforeseen!

As I watch all that is happening, I remember how deliriously happy Joe and I were when we discovered we loved each other. Going into our 60’s we were both marked by grief. God moved in and turned our worlds upside down (literally.)

We had more than 26 years of a rich and challenging life together. But, now -tonight- my emotions are slapping me in the face with deep loneliness.
So, what do I do now?

Back to Psalms 23.
“The Lord is my Shepherd, I SHALL NOT WANT.”

Once again I must turn to the Holy Spirit to fill my heart with peace and the knowledge that THIS is a promise from God.
If I trust Him, I shall not want.
I don’t always understand the how’s and why’s.
I only know I shall NOT want.

Joy may be intertwined with some tears: that only makes the joy richer.

We CAN trust God.
We CANNOT trust our emotions.
We CAN rejoice in the happiness of those we love.

-voni