Last night, Lanae gave me some papers about grief. As I read them, I recognized some things about me.
1 – Some people in grief unconsciously keep themselves busy so they won’t have time to think. I realize I fit this pattern.
2 – Grief affects the whole person: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It can cause exhaustion, difficulty to think well, depression and the consciousness of being alone. I fit here, also.
3 – There is also grief and tensions as roles in the family change because someone in the family is gone. This is also in process.
4 – My first Christmas without Joe. Our lives together began just before Christmas, 1990. We went out for dinner and talked until the restaurant closed. We decided we wanted a friendship, nothing more.
We got married in May 1991.
I think it is time for me to be quiet, face the realities of allowing tears, and talking it out with God
I know I am not alone. I have God, my family, and friends. I want to learn more, teach and write… and I now have dual citizenship here on earth plus in the Kingdom of God.
My life is richly blessed by God as He turns heartaches and tears into a quietness of spirit, joy, and peace.
It took ten months for me to get here, where it is time for me to accept with my heart and soul that my ornery and beloved husband is where he longed to be.
That transition required a gravestone in Portland, Oregon, and it requires acceptance on my part.
“Merry Christmas, Joe!”